whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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