Apparently you make a good broom.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
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