i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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