Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
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