I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
