your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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