Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
