I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
