i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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