hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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