How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
