if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
