I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
