here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
