This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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