I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
