I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Green mimosas i think yes
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
