im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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