i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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