Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
