mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
