I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
