The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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