There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
