Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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