so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
