I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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