tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
