Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Randomize
