So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
