I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
