So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
