A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
well you can't waste a boner
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
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