"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
