i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
