ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
