Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
