I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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