oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
