I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
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