in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
