when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
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