I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
