I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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