I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
only you would photoshop your dick
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Randomize
