i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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