You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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