I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
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