This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
