Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
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