the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
