Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
