the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
